We shake with joy,
~ Mary Oliver
We shake with grief.
What a time they have, these two
housed as they are in the same body.
There are some things that you can’t prepare for. Susan walked into the supermarket. It was a weekly visit, a leisurely trip. She liked finding new things to try. She had the list in her head. As she walked in, her mind drifted down the list. That’s when the tears started.
The display of raspberries was prominent at the front of the produce section. Bright beautiful blood red. Stacked box upon box. A large “two for one” sign on the front. It’s the little things that you can’t prepare for. She wiped away tears, suppressed a sob, looked around for her husband. He was not making eye contact. He wandered away down a different aisle.
Bryce had loved raspberries. It was the only fruit he ate. He asked for them all the time. When asked why he didn’t like fruit, he would launch into a story. Susan smiled. His voice filled her head — a voice that she longed to hear. At 7 years old, his sister and her friends had pinned him down and mashed a banana into his mouth. Bryce didn’t like fruit before, but now he was adamant. “I HATE FRUITS!”
“But why do you eat only raspberries?” someone would inevitably ask, decades later.
He never did remember why he started eating them. But he would say, “Well… they’re just beautiful.” His boyish enthusiasm drifting off into the longing of a grown man.
Susan had control over herself again, but not her mind. She dried the tears, but the now memories flooded in. She smiled again. Of the five kids, Bryce was difficult. He was stubborn. At 6 years old, returning from the doctor with stitches on his head, there was no telling him what he couldn’t do. In the next moment, he was back to the baseball game with his brothers, but now he was wearing a cardboard box for a helmet. Before he died, she had thought, it’s time to visit him again, but it was too late. Now all she had were these memories.
Raspberry blood red
Tears in the supermarket
No more bananas