At a recent physician meeting, the doctors in the multi-specialty group were deciding on how to split the profits and who should lead the group.
The neurologist said, I take care of the brain. Without the brain, nothing would happen. Clearly, I am the most important and should be paid more.
The hematologist said, I take care of the blood. The blood brings oxygen and takes away waste. Without the blood, the rest of the body could not survive.
The gastroenterologist said, I take care of the stomach. The stomach digests food and converts it into energy. Without the stomach, there would be no energy to do anything.
The orthopedist took pity on them all. Clearly, I am the most important. Without the arms and legs, how would the body get anything done. What would be the point of life? The legs carry you around and the arms get things done.
The ophthalmologist laughed. Without the eyes, how could anyone see where they are going? The eyes are the most important organ, and I should be paid the most.
The proctologist quietly said, the rectum manages waste removal.
They could not come to an agreement, so they all went back to work.
A patient came to see the neurologist complaining of terrible headache. He did scans and exams. The brain was normal, but full of toxins. He referred the patient to the hematologist.
The hematologist looked at the blood under the microscope. All the blood cells were normal, but the blood was indeed full of toxins. He referred the patient to the gastroenterologist…
who performed an endoscopy and several scans. The stomach was swollen and bloated, but appeared to function normally. He referred the patient to the orthopedist since the legs were weak.
The orthopedist did x-rays, and all the bones were intact. Since the patient was complaining of watery eyes, he sent the patient to the ophthalmologist.
The eye exam showed 20/20 vision. And since the patient was complaining of constipation, he was referred to the proctologist.
The proctologist found that the rectum had shut tight. The patient was anal retentive and constipated, full of toxins, causing headache, bloated stomach, weak limbs, and watery eyes. The problem was relieved, and the patient went home grateful to be cured.
The moral of the story:
Just like the human body,
we should all work together.
But the asshole is in charge.
Fractured by Dr. Joel Ying. This humorous tale is adapted from Aesop’s Fable, “The Belly and the Members.” Slightly (or not so slightly) fractured and massaged from the original story.
I hope it adds a little laughter to your day. To my fellow physicians, I hope no offense is taken as we poke a little fun at ourselves. None of us should be too idealistic as to ignore the fact that the business of medicine is important. A car cannot run on an empty tank, and a medical practice cannot run without managing the money. I’ve tried both; it doesn’t work. However, at the same time, we are also managing the health of patients. As medicine has become more specialized, we must work together. The one in charge of the money is not always the bad guy. We are all responsible for the choices we make as a group, but you do want to be careful to notice who is in charge.