In the 11th grade, I joined the track team with the dream of becoming an athletic nerd–the straight-A athlete that every college would want. The counselors told me that I needed to be “well-rounded” in order to get into a good college, and I was determined.
I had been on the cross country team, and I could run the 7 minute mile in about 20 minutes. In short, I was slow. The cross country coach would wait for me and a few stragglers at the lonely finish line after everyone else had gone home. I was no sprinter, but the track team, like the cross country team, needed more students to run the longer distance events. Besides, it would look good on my application for college.
On my first race for the track team, the coach put me in the long distance 880, four times around the track. I started off pacing myself for a cross country run. Then, the most surprising thing happened. Somehow on the final lap, I was in the lead. Everyone had been ignoring the race, but suddenly the coach was yelling, “Go! Go! Go!” Other students were cheering. Honestly, I was shocked. I was just pacing along and had no idea that I was in the lead. I started on the straightaway for the finish line with visions of being an “academic nerd.” Every college would want me. I might even get an athletic scholarship. My heart was leaping out of my chest, my lungs were burning, and my legs just could not pump any faster. I could see the goal. “Go! Go! Go!” the coach yelled.
Moments away, that’s when I felt someone behind me. Even though I was running as fast as I could, the world shifted into slow motion. With only a few yards to go, I watched him pass me and cross the finish line. Suddenly, something inside of me collapsed. Frustration and disappointment took over, and I just gave up! When you are running that fast, you don’t just stop, but instead of coming in 2nd, I was in the middle of the pack. My coach’s face was full of disappointment. I quickly broke eye contact. Yes, I was disappointed by not winning. But even worse, I was scared because now I knew that I had it inside of me to just give up. I had never met this thing inside of me, this part of me that stopped running. If there was anything that I could depend on, it had been my grit–perseverance for long-term goals. But now that was uncertain. At any moment, this monster of internal collapse could show up.
In a single moment, I had gone from inspired to burned out. I felt powerless: no matter how hard I tried, I could not be faster than that other guy. I felt emotionally overwhelmed, ashamed, and just plain bad. I felt a loss of purpose and direction.
How would I find motivation? I didn’t make it through the whole season on the track team. Shame, shin splints, and struggle… I eventually quit the team. I struggled with what to do next. I focused on my strength as a good student and the success of getting good grades. I doubled-down on my dream to go to college. That was the real dream! I gave up the illusion of being an “athletic nerd” and held onto the “well rounded” student. I re-connected to my passion and my real goal. I graduated high school and went on to an Ivy League university!
Where is your passion? Where is your grit? How will you reconnect?
“Grit is passion and perseverance for long-term goals.”
Watch TED talk by Angela Lee Duckworth, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance
Read More by Angela Lee Duckworth
