For Grief by John O’Donohue

For Grief

—by John O’Donohue

When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you becomes fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.

Flickers of guilt kindle regret
For all that was left unsaid or undone.

There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
Onto the black tide of loss.
Days when you have your heart back,
You are able to function well
Until in the middle of work or encounter,
Suddenly with no warning,
You are ambushed by grief.

It becomes hard to trust yourself.
All you can depend on now is that
Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.

Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.

—by John O’Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings

Just over a year ago, when I reconnected with one of my high school teachers, he gave me that grin that went from ear to ear. The same one that I remembered from decades ago. In his clear baritone, he belted out “THE Joel Ying.” There are some teachers that believe in you so much that you have to believe in yourself too. That was Mr. Giles. When I found the 4-page letter of recommendation that got me into college, I was struck by the energy and attention that he had put into the letter.  I decided I needed to find him and thank him.

On that meeting, I learned about his diagnosis with cancer. In the blink of an eye, a year had passed, and I got the news of his upcoming funeral.

Gerald W. Giles

His family invited me to celebrate his life with them at the wake, mass, and luncheon. I watched a beautiful family come together and remember a great man.  (Read obituary.) I even saw pictures and heard stories of his life before I knew him. Sometimes we forget that people have more stories than just the one that we know. I only knew his as an English teacher. I saw pictures of him in first grade, as a young soldier in the Navy, father-daughter dance…. His family gave me the stories of a full life … and his peaceful passing, surrounded by family.

Grief is about love and loss. The impact of that loss depends on what we have lost. I had lost an exceptional teacher and mentor, but others had lost so much more: a brother, a father, a grandfather, and even a great grandfather. I am touched at how his family celebrated his life with so much joy, even amidst the tears.

One of my favorite poets, John O’Donohue,  offers a book of blessings to navigate the way of presence through this human existence. I am reminded of this poem today. For grief, this poem maps the territory of that pain and gives hope.

Dear Mr. Giles,
Thank you. I will remember you.
Joel

A Book of Blessings by John O’Donohue