Mornings at the beach in Southwest Florida are calm and serene. The Gulf of Mexico has fewer waves before the sun wakes up, and more importantly there are fewer people. Unless there is a storm coming, the air and the water are calm and almost still.
Many years ago, I walked the beach as my regular morning ritual. Sometimes families of stingrays would travel beside me. Always, I would see birds, seagulls and pelicans, and the small ones with the tiny feet that move so fast. I love to watch as they rush into the newly exposed sand as the wave pull back. In and out, their little feet move in search of food.
On rare occasion, I would see dolphins… only the curved top fins breaking through the surface. Only once did I see a dolphin just off shore begin to jump and flip and jump, up and out of the water. Was he putting on a show just for me? Other morning walkers came to me as if drawn by a magnet. “Did you see that?” they asked. I still don’t know what the show was about. Suddenly, the dolphin began jumping again further down the shore. I stood transfixed and awestruck.
Most mornings, I would choose a place to get into the water and just soak in a blessing for the day. Between Spring and Summer, the cool water begins to warm. On those serene mornings, I can see through the glassy ripples, all the way to the bottom. A school of tiny near-translucent fish rush past me. I have not seen a school this big, larger than my arm span. They part around me and swim past me. I suddenly feel part of this family, part of this ocean. Slightly longer tiny fish follow. They begin to bump into me, and it feels like little squishy pellets massaging me. I laugh as they tickle my skin. Medium-size now, just a couple inches, others begin to hop out of the water. I feel blessed to be a part of this movement, wishing someone was here to experience it with me, someone to tell me that this really happened. Then, suddenly larger fish are up ahead. Is this how fish fly? And in a split second, a thought jumps into my head, Are there bigger fish to come? Am I witnessing the food chain? Am I about to become part of the food chain?
I rush out of the water onto the shore for safety. I scan the water, searching for the spot, searching for the cause of the disturbance, but the glassy water reflects the sky and the morning sun. I can see nothing but the rippling water as the shower of fish jump further down the shore, disappearing in the distance.
Of course, the fish also make me think of school. Middle school to be exact. During the lunch break, we could spend the time in the cafeteria or in the courtyard. Students often gathered in the courtyard around the large beautiful trees in raised beds; the low retaining walls making seats for us to sit and enjoy the shade. A fence surrounded the courtyard, keeping us in and the world out. I was waiting for the bell to ring and the teacher to open the gate, waiting to go to my next class. I always ate lunch quickly, quietly, and by myself. I was an extremely shy kid. I didn’t speak to anyone. Who would be interested in my boring life? This also meant that no one told me any of the gossip. I never really cared anyway. Most of the time, I didn’t know the people that they were talking about. I kept to myself, kept out of trouble, focused on schoolwork. With my head in the books, I was a straight-A kid. I stared off into the distance waiting for class.
Suddenly, I was startled out of my post-lunch haziness. It was as if a sea of fish swarmed by me; students ran past me. The swarm parting around me, moving to someplace behind me. Where are they going? Suddenly, a student rushes past me, full of excitement; almost knocking me down, he yells, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” The clamoring shouts and cheers of middle school students get louder somewhere in the distance between the beautiful trees. Students are standing on the retaining walls to get a better view. I can see nothing from where I am. Students continue to run towards the mayhem. I see administrators and teachers running into the crowd. Without even a thought, I know that I will be going in the opposite direction from everyone else. I move closer to the gate. When the bell rings, I go to class.
I spent my very early years growing up in another country where we were always aware of the threat of violence. My parents taught me to move towards safety. I avoid the feeling of danger whenever I can. But today, I sometimes wonder if I always get the cues right. Are the fish swimming away or towards the danger? Which way should I go? with the fish or against them?