I nearly fainted. My vision goes gray, a cold sweat comes over me, and my knees buckle. I look for the nearest seat. There in the corner. I hope no one noticed.
I’m a new medical student assigned to this patient. The resident said I should watch and see how this is done. This is what we do as medical students. We watch and learn. What’s happening to me? This is my first time seeing a procedure. This is a bone marrow biopsy. Simple procedure. Truthfully, I can’t see anything. They are using a large bore needle to puncture the bone at the hip and extract some of the bone marrow for testing. Small needle in a small area, and I’m supposed to stand on the other side of the room. No, I can’t see anything. The nurse is administering medications, sedation and pain medicine. The patient appeared to be sleeping. Why is the patient moving? Why is she moaning? Why is the patient in pain? Oh, she’s settling now. The medicine must be working.
I’m feeling a little better. The room is full of people and all the eyes are on the patient. Maybe no one noticed. I should move closer. I should stand up. I stand. My vision goes gray, my head feels light, my stomach falls out from under me. I sit back down. I breathe. Should I even be a doctor? What will happen when I go to my surgical rotation? Will I faint at the sight of blood?
In the hospital, I interview patients, write up reports, read about them, and present my findings to the rest of the team. I like learning and seeing the things that I have only read about for the first two years. Truthfully, it’s a challenge. I’m shy and introverted by default, but I’m struggling to get over myself. Staying out of the way, but being where I need to be … it seems like an impossible task sometimes. The attending physician teaches a group of us. This is your job as a medical student: follow your patients to all their procedures, learn what happens to them, study their diseases…. That’s what he tells us now. But in the middle of a procedure, we are dropped into the corner, out of the way.
We had practiced drawing blood on oranges. Will I faint at the sight of blood? I’ve seen this done, but never done it. Will it be different when I do it? Put the tourniquet on the bicep. It’s a huge vein in the crook of the elbow. Hold down the vein. Insert needle. Withdraw blood. I got it! Maybe this won’t be so bad. That’s a relief. That went well. Not blood everywhere. No one is screaming. Sterile technique. Everyone calm. Ahhhh!
What will happen when I go to my surgical rotation? Will I faint? I would have to worry about that for several months.
Stay tuned.