The students had just divided into groups to share about a story idea that was triggered by the prompt. They each had a few minutes to share while the partner listened. The partner then shared one thing that liked about the story.
Afterwards, I asked, “How was the experience?”
One of the students raises his hand and says, “You know, I talk to people all the time on campus. Sometimes for 30 minutes or more, and I realize that we don’t really talk about much… But I just talked to this person for 5 minutes, and now he knows my grandmother.”
In that moment, a wave of appreciation moved through me, and I realized why I do this work of bringing the art and craft of oral storytelling to college students. In this age of technology, it is not our devices that connect us, but our stories.
“I used to think that I don’t have any stories,” said another student. “But now I realize that I can tell a story about anything. I have lots of stories.” Another wave of appreciation moved through me as this was a lesson that took me much longer in life to learn.
I teach a course called “Storytelling as Healing” to undergraduates at a university. The traditional classroom in college is still based on listening to lectures, taking quizzes, writing papers, passing exams. Instead, I flip the classroom to give an experience of the power of story to create a healing community.
“I’ve made friends in this class. It’s so different from my other classes this semester. We actually get to talk and want to talk to each other,” said another student at the end of the semester. This is what happens when strangers at the start of a semester can now look at the faces in the room and see the stories.
While I may be teaching one person to tell a story, there are more than 20 others that are learning to listen. My job as a teacher here is to create the safe space for story. In my experience, story is something that you experience and a skill that you absorb not just by telling but by listening. With trial and error, I’ve developed guidelines for storytelling circle space.
I move the students from the classic lecture seating into a circle, and I ask, “What’s different now?”
“We can see each other,” they say. This makes some more comfortable and others less comfortable. I ask them to just notice this.
After sharing a story, another student says, “As a storyteller, I feel less pressure. The eyes are not looking directly at me, expecting something from me. I feel like part of the community.”
Guidelines
Here are the guidelines that I have gathered from other healing circles to create safe space for our stories.
- Confidentiality
- Be Present
- Active Listening
- Share One at a Time
- No Advice Giving
Explaining the Guidelines
Before starting any circle, I often explain the guidelines and confirm that we can all agree to them.
- Confidentiality. My classes often start with sharing personal stories. Often we are just the rough draft of a story idea, the first version that comes out of our head as the story is listened out of us. These stories invite varying levels of vulnerability; therefore, I tell the students, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas… Can we agree that stories belong to the person that shares them? If you want to share that story, ask permission. It’s ok to share your experience of a story but ask permission before sharing details that others might not be ready to share with a larger circle. On the other side of confidentiality, this is not a forced march. Share what you feel comfortable sharing. As Brene Brown says, “tell your story to people who have earned the right to hear it.”
- Be present. Turn off distractions—including cell phones. (This one can be difficult for college students.) If you have to take a call or send a text, step out of the room. I ask the students to think about a time when they are talking to someone on the phone, and they know the other person is distracted. How does that feel? Something different happens when you give the gift of your full attention to someone, and something different happens when you receive that gift. Conversations deepen and allow safe space for our stories.
- Active Listening. Listening to understand, not to judge or criticize. You do not need to agree with what is being said. Simply witness. Listen with the mind and heart to understand the perspective of the storyteller. This is a different quality of listening than many of us are used to. Are you just listening for your turn to speak? Or are you truly listening with empathy, to “walk in the shoes” of another?
- Share one at a time. While I often give time for conversation space and small group sharing, the larger circle space is different. Our common intention is to support the storyteller and give them the “talking stick” as the “imaginary microphone” and “the stage.” If everyone is having their own private side-conversations, we take the energy away from the circle and it no longer feels safe.
- No advice giving. We are not here to tell people how to live their lives. That’s a different kind of circle. Listen to the story. Restrict your comments to your experience of the story and how it impacted you.
These are the guidelines that I start with. I guard the space. I call attention to the mis-steps, so we can all learn from how the room changes when someone steps on the other side of the guideline. Perhaps, there are other guidelines that you use. Perhaps, the people in the group already know them and you never need to talk about them, but as you enter new spaces, we must consciously create the spaces that we want in our lives.
Wherever you tell stories… at the dinner table, at family gatherings, at school, with friends, in a classroom, at a workshop… take the time to uncover what makes your group feel safe and what opens the space to stories, deeper connection, and healing.
Resources
- healingstoryalliance.org – Join the “OARS in the Water” online circles. I recently co-hosted an event on “Creating Safe Space for Story” where I developed much of this content by reflecting on my experiences with college students and storytelling circles in the classroom.
- healingfromthecore.com – I have adopted some of my story circle guidelines from these healing circles.
- fgcustorytelling.com – Check out the upcoming conference and events at Florida Gulf Coast University (FGCU), Fort Myers, FL
- storytellingtimes.org/ttt – If you are in the Fort Myers area, check out the Tamiami Tale Tellers, a storytelling guild in Fort Myers, FL.
- flstory.com/membership/storytelling-groups/ – Find a local storytelling group in Florida.